This is going to be one difficult letter to you… (deep breath)
Dear Mother...
Wish I could call you MUMMY … and really feel it deep in my heart.. But I do not really know you …I do not even know if you loved me…or remember how wonderful it felt to be held in your arms.. your voice.. your eyes.. your smile…..
I don’t even know what your likes and dislikes.. are..
Did you love me.. ? Are you thinking of me.. ? Do you miss me…? Where you mad at me? (I was only three months old baby…when you gave me to my dads Mum…………(my grandma)
It is strange for me to even think of you…. and actually writing to you… You would be surprised I am not the least angry with you… why should I be… you gave me the most important gift ever.. you brought me into this world…
But at the same time I do not really know who you are.. I can’t even bring myself to be mad or even blame you…
I can’t ask you these questions like…., when did I start creeping, how was my first steps.. when did I get my first tooth.. You actually never encouraged me..get mad at me.. or advice me… You, weren’t there to teach me how to wear a sanitary pad…. or showed me how to carry myself like a lady..
But wait…. Grandma was there.. yes!! She was the first person who came to my rescue… She showed me love… For the first time.. I felt and knew how it felt to feel the heart beat of a Mother (my grandma) in my eyes I saw her as my mother.. in my soul,, she was the only Mum I knew.. I called her “Mami..” She did sooth me when I was weary.. hush me to sleep.. She had sleepless nights when I was sick..(I use to be a very sick child) Guess what… I was allowed to sleep so close and tight to her… She sang for me.. carried me on her back until she could no more…she was the best.. ever….. She was always there to defend and protect me…
Most of all she always reminded me… she loves me…. I knew it,… I felt it … her gestures.. was so right to make me know she loves me endlessly…and unconditionally
Many knew grandma was my Mum.. she thought me how to sew my first little dress for my doll, how to cook, and clean the place.. my first baking was a fiasco… now.. im a profi..!!
Never mind Mother.. I grew up being a strong lady.. mastering many challenges… seen many beautiful things, travel the world.. met wonderful souls… found friends.. as well as pains and disappointments… trust me… in the midst of all these… im sorry to say I never missed you… I grew to learn to cope with what so ever came my way, with no buts… and ifs
Oh not forgetting aunty Joe.. she played a big role in my upbringing.. She helped mold me the woman I am today……
I got three wonderful kids.. Xaver, Malaika and Franz…I am trying to do my best to bring them up, .. be there for them.. so long as life permits me to…
How often have they asked me about who my real Mother is/was.. I tried to gather the pieces to tell them who you are.. but I found none.. to describe who you are…
In my heart, I want to belive that, you did not dislike me.. but that you gave me to my grandma out of care.. I won’t ask you why… I won’t bother you.. I will for ever respect your wish…
Our paths may never cross again… you may not see your grand children… but whatever the case… Know that I do respect you…! (I wish i could bring myself to say I love you..!!) Strange..
Thanks for bringing me into this world…
Maureen….
“…. The most say, I am a good, loving and caring woman… Yes I am…!!!”
Dear Mother...
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